Barbie Horror

Oaky, so it's Halloween time here in the United States and so I have been thinking about what is the scariest things that I have seen. My neighborhood has a Halloween house decorating contest and I must admit that some of my neighbors went all out. I've seen a 20-foot skeleton that has a motion detector. I've also seen some terrifying clowns! It can be fun to be freaked out a bit, but what happens when the fear fantasy becomes a constant reality?

One horror that I have been thinking about is the Barbie horror. What happens when you are everything that society says that you should still be, and yet, you don't get what you want? You are the dutiful wife and mother, but you never get time for yourself? You are the attentive partner, but no one seems to give you want you want. You are the hard-working employee, who never gets the promotion you deserve?

Living a life for others is often praised. Being selfless (particularly for women) is often seen as attractive. However, I wonder if that narrative is most attractive because of what it does for someone else. Our world needs a level of selflessness to continue to exist. If everyone only thought of themselves, then we would all suffer. However, it is may observation that we have taken an unbalanced approach. We train some people to be more selfless than others framing it as if being the "good girl" or "good boy" will eventually pay off, while rewarding people who prioritizing themselves. 

The problem with this is that we often end up with people who believe that they are damaged. Like "Weird Barbie" from the Barbie movie, we end up feeling lonely and maybe blaming ourselves for how we turned out instead of holding others accountable for the role that they played in the development. The true horror in tis is that we never get to fully realize our true selves because we continue to allow others to determine our destiny. 

Fortunately, there is still hope for us. Just as I can walk away from the giant skeleton my neighbor’s yard, you can also choose to create a more balanced narrative for yourself. We can hold wanting to be kind to others, but not at the detriment of ourselves. For someone who is highly sensitive, I know how difficult this is in practice. It hurts me to think that me choosing something for myself may mean someone else' discomfort. However, we all have to live with ourselves and I have l learned that being the Barbie that everyone expects of me all the time, often leads me to believe I am not being an authentic to myself. I'm learning to be okay with being dynamically different Barbie.

For those of you whom this may have resonated, here are a couple of practical steps that you can consider on your journey from horror to healing:

1) Take inventory of who you do things for-ask yourself why you choose this

2) Make a wish list for yourself-what would you like for yourself if it would not impact anyone else? What keeping you away from that?

3)Choose one thing to do for yourself everyday (or every week). It does not have to be a big thing-it could just be committing to doing a five minute breathing exercise. Normalizing showing up for yourself will help make doing those bigger things, like saying no to others at time, a bit easier.

We all deserve to be our truest selves-realizing that, requires us to move outside of that box that we have been taught to stay within. What might help you step outside of the Barbie box?