MoMMA’s Mental Health (and why we all need to care about it)
This Mother’s Day weekend has me heavily reflecting on the Mommas in my life. The Mommas who try to be there for their children whenever needed. The Mommas who compare themselves to the ever-changing standards for Moms on social media. The Mommas who, despite trying their best, may not have had the capacity to be the mother they imagined they would be. The Momma who wasn’t there-physically or emotionally. And, the Mommas who nurture their world and those in it, who are rarely regarded, as they may not have children of their own.
Whether present or not, the best friend Momma or the biggest enemy Momma, Mommas have a heavy load to carry. They are expected to be everything to folks who rarely consider what she may need. Mommas are often one of the first individuals criticized when their offspring do something unacceptable to society. They receive one day of acknowledgement, yet are expected to pay attention to everyone else for the rest of their lives. I am not saying this to make us all feel bad, but rather, to acknowledge the pain that Momma shoulders often alone.
The truth of the matter is, we all need to care about Momma’s health. Mothers are the seed from which future seeds spring. If Momma is unwell, that has the potential to pass along pain to future generations. If Momma doesn’t have the freedom to express her desires at some point, we may further normalize the idea that some folks have the space to live their truth, while others do not. If Momma only identifies as Momma, we run the risk of not realizing our own full potential as we internalize the idea that we can only be one way throughout our entire life.
On the opposite end, when Momma thrives, we all benefit. When Momma prioritizes her health, we get permission to prioritize ourselves as well. When Momma has a supportive social circle, we learn that some people can hold a safe space for us to give and receive love. When Momma engages in spiritual and emotional healing practices, we learn strategies to create healthy ways to maintain our own spiritual and mental wellbeing.
So, what can we all do? First, I recommend reflecting on your relationship with your mother. It can be helpful to ask yourself:
What did I learn from Momma? How does that show up in my life?
When I think of Momma, what feelings arise? How do these feelings show up in my behavior?
What would I like to say to Momma now?
Am I holding on to past mother wounds? What do I need to move forward
How can I better nurture myself and important relationships in my life?
While Momma may be considered the designated nurturer, it is ultimately the responsibility of each of us to find our own inner nurturer. Relationships can be complex, especially with a mother. However, if we do not take the time to further understand it, we run the risk of neglecting (or abusing) ourselves and others in ways that harm us all.
So, this weekend, and moving forward, let’s try to consider the Mommas in our lives. Instead of blaming them for the issues that we may experience, let’s try to understand their perspective, while also holding them accountable. Let’s recognize them as another imperfect human being, and learn their stories, instead of sticking to our own assumptions. And, lets hold ourselves in the way that we always wanted from Momma.