New Year, New Be

I wanted to write something profound for the new year. I wanted to say something that wouldn’t already be posted on the ‘Gram or some other social media platform. But what do you say in a time in which everyone is saying, “do this in order to get that”? The Do mentality is pervasive throughout society and can be particularly pervasive during a new year. So, what do we do with all of these messages? Perhaps we try to create a heathier message for ourselves-moving from always to doing, to being.

Sometimes, I think it is easier to do than to be. Doing insinuates that we have instructions that when enacted will give us the desired result. It suggests that life’s challenges are concrete and thus have a direct answer to be attained. However, is that truly how life operates? Sure, we know when we are hungry we should eat, but not all food may nourish us, so simply eating doesn’t necessarily bring about the desired outcome. If we apply this function theory to multiple aspects of our life, it may amount to even more confusion, and perhaps pain.

I have found that no matter how often I search for that formula: in books, therapy, advice, etc, the more frustrated I tend to become. This is not to say that those resources are not beneficial-I have found that each of those methods have provided me with insight to consider as I journey through life. But, when it comes to manifesting the life that I desire, I have found that flexibility and flow has helped me move towards achieving my goals with less pain.

So, how do we continue to go with setting up plans for problems while also reducing pain? First, it is important to understand what you are truly seeking. I’ve had friends say for example, that they want to lose weight. However, weight loss is mostly the path that they have chosen to help meet their ultimate outcome. In these cases, they may want to be able to be more active with loved ones and or feel more comfortable in their attire, or something altogether different. Truly understanding what you ultimately desire can lead to realizing that there are many paths to that outcome and take some of the pressure off in having to follow one set plan. This is not to say that weight loss may not be necessary and also occur-but, it does give us space to be instead of only doing.

Next, imagine what your life might look like if you truly achieved that desire. How would you feel? Who would be there with you? Visualizing helps us practice being in that new space. While we may greatly desire a new job, or some other transition in our lives, adjusting to that new space can be difficult, and if we don’t practice being in that space, we may find ourselves sabotaging it. So, instead of focusing only on the end result, try to regularly imagine what that space will fill like. Allow yourself to get comfortable even if it feels uncomfortable at times.

Finally, seek affirming spaces and be that affirming space for yourself. One of my favorite mantras is “be your best coach, instead of the critic”. Affirming spaces remind us that we are great, just as we are. We are not perfect, and those imperfections can help us move forward. We can hold that we are all growing. Acceptance helps us gain motivation to keep moving towards healthier lives.

I hope that you are able to visualize, affirm, and accept where you are today. Try to find moments in your day where you can observe yourself just being. Reflect on how those impacts, your mood and motivation. Cheers to a healthy way of being in 2023!